We encounter
a lot of dumb questions in the shop, mostly relating to Calypso, but they’re just
dumb questions rather than conspirary theories.
Most often asked:
Question: Is that a cat?
Our
Answer: Not, it’s a special breed of
fish.
Question: Did she start off that colour?
Our
Answer: No, she started off purple.
Question: Is this an antiques shop?
Our
Answer: No it’s a pet shop.
Our
Statement: She (Calypso) will be good
shop security when she grows up – transgressors will be dragged off by the
neck.
Alarmed response,
while stepping back: Ohhh, are you
joking? Yes people, that’s a joke. And just to contextualize it, Calypso is all of 5kg at the moment and the only thing she can drag around by the neck is her favourite soft toy.
Question: Is this real?
Our
Answer: No, it’s all in your imagination.
So okay the
last question isn’t entirely stupid, because you might not know that you’re
looking at an antique unless someone tells you.
And you also might not know to wear clean undies unless someone tells
you to.
As for the
conspiracy theories, the three best we’ve had suggested lately are:
· Climate
change is happening because the Earth has moved on its axis 3.5 degrees and
“they” aren’t telling anyone. Nothing is
happening with the tides and from our perspective on our hill, where we see the
sun rise over the ocean every morning, it appears
to be rising in the right location for this time of year. But that’s because we’re not very observant,
apparently.
· You
know those white trails you see behind aeroplanes on sunny days? They’re actually called ‘Chem Trails’ and they are releasing mind
altering drugs intended to subdue and control the world’s population. Every single Government in the world is in on
this one, and they’re working together to keep us all under the thumb. Turns out that North Korea and Iran and
Afghanistan and America (not to forget our own Government) are bosom buddies
after all, and are working together to oppress us. Doug and I used to work in Government, with
reasonably good access (like working for Front Bench Cabinet Ministers,
regularly briefing the Prime Minister and Attorney-General, etc – all in
another life), and we never once heard a hint of this practice. But that’s because we were also being
mind-controlled and oppressed, of course, like youse lot.
·
Did
you know that all cats are Aliens?
Neither did I until some dude came into the shop and declared that the
very fact that Klaatu had his name was the last piece of evidence he needed to
convince him. It’s true
that Klaatu is named after the alien in 1950s science fiction movie The Day the Earth Stood Still – the
original version, not the sucky Keanu Reeves remake – and that means that
technically Artemis should have been called Gort. But can you imagine the hysterics this man
would have had if Artemis had actually been called Gort? Just having a cat called Klaatu caused huge
excitement and lots of Ha! I Knew I Was
Right! And did you know that
squirrels are also Aliens? And something
else strange like hedgehogs, I think, but I was massively tuning out by then.
Can’t there be some type of test before people are allowed to vote? Or have children? I’ve been through a Psych test so I know I’m crazy. But not as crazy as some, it seems.
On
something shop-related (other than the visiting crazies), the ship with our
latest consignment has now docked in Brisbane
Meanwhile
my photography for the website has continued, slowly but we’re making some
progress. We will almost certainly go
live next week and take it from there. We
will have a New In The Shop This Week
page, where everything just photographed will be placed to begin with. Soon, very soon.
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